classicbeatles

these are my buys for the day and time reads : 3.02am . I haven't touched up on my SOI neither have i brainstorm on the outcome or come out with visuals developments. I've been spending way too long online checking out f21 & wetseal :( the spending have been crazy for the past 2 weeks. I.seriously.need.to.stop.shopping. 

p.s the earrings are too cute to resist not to buy . heh. 

I'm on my feet now to every song that's on my playlist. I wanna put on my dancing shoes so badly. I feel like scooting off to butter one of these days w/ the girls and I know I probably can't make that happen till dec. :( 

I feel really awake tonight surprisingly.

I am super driven right now and I am not gonna take this for granted!
gonna slog myself off till later before my appointment w/ Joselyn. 
I am not gonna concede defeat. 

 So it's been pretty disheartening at sight and by heart. I let myself in for a breakdown yesterday with the doubt of my ability. It feels like I am a design student with no sense of creativity and I seriously doubt myself last night. It scares me how we're already entering into week 6 and there's no approval yet from Joselyn with regards to design issue. It scares me when I witnessed how - broke down today for good 15 minutes of disappearance and I could totally put myself in her shoes. 

Everyone's been chanting about design issues and how we're just not there (yet).

You know the feeling of detaching yourself from the world ? It scares me when I picture myself falling into depression someday due to stress and pressures. It scares me now because I really want it so badly yet I feel like I'm not gonna achieve that level of recognition in my grades. The feeling of reprimanding yourself for being so stupid, so useless and you-are-so-good-for-nothing really brought demoralisation right to my footstep. It felt worst when you track back and realised you sacrificed time for work > the things you like/want and even more depressing when I don't get to see the girls since I started school. 

Can you imagine that sense of dejection when you feel like you've wasted 5 weeks of sleepless nights, going through tonnes of readings + research and at the end of the day, you've to start from zero AGAIN. Reason being, it's either tt the issue is not an design issue/problem or it's not strong enough on it's own. 

I fear. I am such a weakling.

Nevermind me. I hate to sound so depressing and all I could do is stuffing myself every night with food. 

On a lighter note, I can't wait to attend Stef's ROM on 21st sept :) plus we're gonna celebrate Sa's 20th birthday w/ her favourite yummy carbonara ! Hope that would cheer her up a tiny weeny bit before we say hello week 7. 

I've been lugging a pile of books back and forth, make this worthwhile please. 
When week 7 ends, I wanna meet the girls, jane, berenice and all the ones that I've missed terribly much during project week even if it's just for awhile.

On a side note, I really want this !!! nicole richie's house of harlow 1960's sunburst necklace! it's so pretty ! 

I am gonna make sausages with japanese mayo in abit plus the seaweeds I can't stop munching at. 

xx

Just like that, we've reached the end of august and time flies. I am barely surviving without a night asking myself over and over again about design issue. The thing is i haven't got any pictures done except for those whiteboard scribbles and a4 papers with images and design theory on them. Life's been as mundane as it is, in black and white.

I won't say i'm dreading it as much now and the fact that i dragged my feets to school for every single class push me to greater heights of believing my ability. I want to do well and give the best to my last shot. Generally, it feels like i'm detached to the world and sadly, I haven't got time to do things that i've had and done during my hols but that is what hols is for right! I played hard and now, I ought to repay it back with diligence.

Probably what really made my day was the bag that i got myself at a steal yesterday :) it's so pretty in black and gold. i couldn't resist not parading in my room since I got home.

I wish that there are more than 24 hours a day, there's so much in my mind right now. I wish my agenda could fit tidying up the study's in a bit because it reminds me of a junkyard and I awfully dread the sight of it.

Also, I wish I'd a clue of my future and affirming my goals in life. I want to dream big and i hope to see myself contributing in a part of fashion + graphic design industries upon graduation. I have always wanted to leave my comfort zone for a brand new experience.

Apart from thoughts, I've had my favourite nissin cup noodles and I don't care if it's making me lose my hair although it does affects and upsets me plus my current liking : honey with milk yummms. I've been putting off work since Wednesday because I am really drained. Gonna catch some sleep now for a-wake-up-early-morning to fix up my sales post and work in abit. Next week is week 5 and i'm getting closer and closer to week 7 for submission.

God, I feel incompetent. This too must go.