So it's been pretty disheartening at sight and by heart. I let myself in for a breakdown yesterday with the doubt of my ability. It feels like I am a design student with no sense of creativity and I seriously doubt myself last night. It scares me how we're already entering into week 6 and there's no approval yet from Joselyn with regards to design issue. It scares me when I witnessed how - broke down today for good 15 minutes of disappearance and I could totally put myself in her shoes.
Everyone's been chanting about design issues and how we're just not there (yet).
You know the feeling of detaching yourself from the world ? It scares me when I picture myself falling into depression someday due to stress and pressures. It scares me now because I really want it so badly yet I feel like I'm not gonna achieve that level of recognition in my grades. The feeling of reprimanding yourself for being so stupid, so useless and you-are-so-good-for-nothing really brought demoralisation right to my footstep. It felt worst when you track back and realised you sacrificed time for work > the things you like/want and even more depressing when I don't get to see the girls since I started school.
Can you imagine that sense of dejection when you feel like you've wasted 5 weeks of sleepless nights, going through tonnes of readings + research and at the end of the day, you've to start from zero AGAIN. Reason being, it's either tt the issue is not an design issue/problem or it's not strong enough on it's own.
I fear. I am such a weakling.
Nevermind me. I hate to sound so depressing and all I could do is stuffing myself every night with food.
On a lighter note, I can't wait to attend Stef's ROM on 21st sept :) plus we're gonna celebrate Sa's 20th birthday w/ her favourite yummy carbonara ! Hope that would cheer her up a tiny weeny bit before we say hello week 7.
I've been lugging a pile of books back and forth, make this worthwhile please.
When week 7 ends, I wanna meet the girls, jane, berenice and all the ones that I've missed terribly much during project week even if it's just for awhile.
On a side note, I really want this !!! nicole richie's house of harlow 1960's sunburst necklace! it's so pretty !
I am gonna make sausages with japanese mayo in abit plus the seaweeds I can't stop munching at.
xx